so my cousin, missy, put together 'the perfect playlist' and shared it with her bloggie friends (& family). she was definitely on the right track from what i saw and i was inspired to create a playlist of my own. so, i consulted my "awesome" playlist and cut it down to the ten most necessary songs as of right now.
a necessary playlist:
1. One Shot- O.A.R. : besides the awesome sound, this song is my inspiration to be happy and persevere in spite of all the potential for anger and negativity.
2. How Long- Kenny White : i hate george w. bush? this song embodies my anti-bush sentiment and fuels my anticipation for obama's presidency. it is beautiful political angst.
3. Gamble Everything For Love- Ben Lee : this song reminds me of my amazing boyfriend; i miss him. this song is love.
4. Even If It Kills Me- Motion City Soundtrack : this song is my current life situation, minus the line about '1995'. it reminds me why i am not going to break down.
5. More Time- NeedToBreathe : besides embodying my love for p.s. i love you, this song doesn't pertain to my life. it is unnecessary, but still on the playlist. :)
6. Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk- Rufus Wainwright : this song is excess.
7. Chocolate- Snow Patrol : i can't listen to this song without remembering the good times with some great people.
8. Puke- Eminem : puke is green. i hate green(!) and i also hate the great injustices of the world.
9. Bullet Proof...I Wish I Was- Radiohead : i'm an emo kid. this song calms me down and has a very sobering effect.
10. What I Got- Sublime : no matter what mood i find myself in, this song always makes it better..."life is too short, so love the one you got."
i'm starting to think that things are going to change.
diplomatic,
emma
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
525,600 minutes
i have this calendar in my room (of course it's grey's anatomy themed) that for the last three years of my life i have done a great job of x'ing off each day as it passes. it occured to me today that i needed to change the month to february and this is when i realized that i haven't 'x'd' any days for the last 2 & 1/2 weeks of my life...on january 15th I lost track of the days. not a big deal, but with a track record of knowing exactly what day it was for three years, it's a shock to my system. i miss being able to cross off the days as they passed with the anticipation of what was to come. graduation, trips to california, new grey's anatomy episodes, days off from work, days dedicated to fun, the end of the summer, the beginning of college.
now my calendar is littered with speech tournaments, busy weekends, homework nights, and blank space that will inevitably be filled with speech or homework. i have to block out hours for sleep and i have to write in my agenda the word "eat."
this "new chapter" of my life is so crazy , i can't wrap my mind around it. the best way to describe this life is that i am a deer caught in the headlights...luckily all the cars thus far have swerved and not resulted in my destruction.
but this weekend, i have resolved to take back my life. tonight i'll go out on date night with k.sig, tomorrow i will do homework during the day but then spend the evening with my ah-may-zing boyfriend (who is driving 3 hours to get here), and sunday i will eat breakfast with whatever friends want to hit up the ihop with me, do homework, and do some lighthearted practicing of speech with waitmen. that's right, just under 48 hours of speech-free life that i intend to bask in.
missing the suburbanites,
emma
now my calendar is littered with speech tournaments, busy weekends, homework nights, and blank space that will inevitably be filled with speech or homework. i have to block out hours for sleep and i have to write in my agenda the word "eat."
this "new chapter" of my life is so crazy , i can't wrap my mind around it. the best way to describe this life is that i am a deer caught in the headlights...luckily all the cars thus far have swerved and not resulted in my destruction.
but this weekend, i have resolved to take back my life. tonight i'll go out on date night with k.sig, tomorrow i will do homework during the day but then spend the evening with my ah-may-zing boyfriend (who is driving 3 hours to get here), and sunday i will eat breakfast with whatever friends want to hit up the ihop with me, do homework, and do some lighthearted practicing of speech with waitmen. that's right, just under 48 hours of speech-free life that i intend to bask in.
missing the suburbanites,
emma
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
badass.
so in case you were thinking to yourself, "oh that emma...i wish she would just do something cool and stop complaining about the world..." you now can see for yourself that i definitely did something cool. "il y a une raison" is french for "there is a reason." now, if you're like some of my best friends, you are probably shocked AND awed that i would get such a tattoo, due to my strong belief that there is no god. well, friends, i will tell you the same thing i told those lovely naysayers: "reason" is not a codeword for "god"! there is a reason for everything i do and there is a reason for everything that happens. not that a higher being decided to make things occur as such but i believe in a certain amount of causality in this world and said causality is unavoidable. it is what keeps me going when i feel as if my work is pointless. it is what reminds me why i do what i do. it is what brings the people i encounter, both amazing and unsatisfactory, into my life. it is my goals, it is my inspiration, it is my life in one sentence. "il y a une raison." and if you don't like it...then that's fine, because i just love it, love it, love it. :)
(and no, it didn't hurt...and no, you cannot tell my mom)
ink'd,
emma
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
lang blogging
my experiences here at yoonie, thus far, have driven me to the conclusion that the "real world" sucks.
anyway.
I woke up today at 6:30 am so that I could shower and get ready for my 8 am anthropology class. However, before I got ready for the day, I planned it out. Here was the plan:
8-9:15. Anthropology
9:15-11. Dorm, Anthropology HW
11-12. Mind Body Fitness
12-12:30. Lunch
12:30-2. Lang, get mac fixed & International Relations HW
2-3:15. International Relations
3:15-5. Dorm, take a nap
5-whenever. Finish two online p.e. wellness modules
Read Anthropology
Math homework
Read ch. 2 Mass Comm
SLEEP.
and of course, i finished little to none of the above x.hardcore.x plan. I did make it to all of my classes (almost on time), grabbed lunch from Dashes, and I did bring my mac to Lang to get it fixed. Unfortunately for me, the mac is still in a state of disrepair and the weather outside is, well, frightful. So after International Relations, I made it back to Lang and haven't been brave enough to go outside since. My intentions were that I would go back to the 424 right after IR but due to my mac's teenage angst, I have to pick it up at 9 pm. And so I sit, procrastinating and searching desperately for something to do. now i know what you're thinking, "do your homework?" but the homework is remaining untouched for two reasons. one) it's all in my dorm room. & two) without a desperate urgency attached to the aforementioned H.dub, i've very little interest in completing it.
procrastination, as defined by m-w.com: "to put off intentionally and habitually"
procrastination, as defined by the authority on the word (me): "to knowingly avoid being productive unless facing impending doom upon the incompletion of an act"
i almost wish i had the will-power to do schoolwork but let's face it, if i did, i'd never get anything done for speech...like right now, i'm all about the ADS.
in other news,
i'm highly concerned that this weekend of freedom, which has been the light at the end of this dark, villainous, tunnel is going to fall through. i had intended to go back to suburbia for the boyf's birthday but as it turns out, i don't have a car. i would like a car, however, and if you ever find yourself wanting to buy me a gift...a car would be nice. but i digress, the point is: this weekend i want to have uncontrollable amounts of fun.
now i'm mildly certain that you're wondering why i've been in a dark, villainous tunnel (after all, my last post was happy & precious) as of late. and well, it has much to do with she-who-must-not-be-named. this past weekend i attended a tournament in illinois with her and she went from trying to be my bff, v, to most likely to bitch about me. which is fine, but a little difficult to deal with when there is no true escape from the situation. luckily, i found solace in loitering outside of the baymont inn.
i've resolved to focus on the good as best as i can because, as she made it abundantly clear last night, she is not going anywhere. sad but true, so i'll just cope and remind myself that she is only one, the many are nothing like her.
(on a brighter note, i know what the next two tattoos i get will look like. for shore.)
trapped in the now,
emma
anyway.
I woke up today at 6:30 am so that I could shower and get ready for my 8 am anthropology class. However, before I got ready for the day, I planned it out. Here was the plan:
8-9:15. Anthropology
9:15-11. Dorm, Anthropology HW
11-12. Mind Body Fitness
12-12:30. Lunch
12:30-2. Lang, get mac fixed & International Relations HW
2-3:15. International Relations
3:15-5. Dorm, take a nap
5-whenever. Finish two online p.e. wellness modules
Read Anthropology
Math homework
Read ch. 2 Mass Comm
SLEEP.
and of course, i finished little to none of the above x.hardcore.x plan. I did make it to all of my classes (almost on time), grabbed lunch from Dashes, and I did bring my mac to Lang to get it fixed. Unfortunately for me, the mac is still in a state of disrepair and the weather outside is, well, frightful. So after International Relations, I made it back to Lang and haven't been brave enough to go outside since. My intentions were that I would go back to the 424 right after IR but due to my mac's teenage angst, I have to pick it up at 9 pm. And so I sit, procrastinating and searching desperately for something to do. now i know what you're thinking, "do your homework?" but the homework is remaining untouched for two reasons. one) it's all in my dorm room. & two) without a desperate urgency attached to the aforementioned H.dub, i've very little interest in completing it.
procrastination, as defined by m-w.com: "to put off intentionally and habitually"
procrastination, as defined by the authority on the word (me): "to knowingly avoid being productive unless facing impending doom upon the incompletion of an act"
i almost wish i had the will-power to do schoolwork but let's face it, if i did, i'd never get anything done for speech...like right now, i'm all about the ADS.
in other news,
i'm highly concerned that this weekend of freedom, which has been the light at the end of this dark, villainous, tunnel is going to fall through. i had intended to go back to suburbia for the boyf's birthday but as it turns out, i don't have a car. i would like a car, however, and if you ever find yourself wanting to buy me a gift...a car would be nice. but i digress, the point is: this weekend i want to have uncontrollable amounts of fun.
now i'm mildly certain that you're wondering why i've been in a dark, villainous tunnel (after all, my last post was happy & precious) as of late. and well, it has much to do with she-who-must-not-be-named. this past weekend i attended a tournament in illinois with her and she went from trying to be my bff, v, to most likely to bitch about me. which is fine, but a little difficult to deal with when there is no true escape from the situation. luckily, i found solace in loitering outside of the baymont inn.
i've resolved to focus on the good as best as i can because, as she made it abundantly clear last night, she is not going anywhere. sad but true, so i'll just cope and remind myself that she is only one, the many are nothing like her.
(on a brighter note, i know what the next two tattoos i get will look like. for shore.)
trapped in the now,
emma
Sunday, January 20, 2008
ay bay bay
word.
so okay. due to the fact that i may one day soon return to my bitter self, i want everyone to know that this is me happy.
at 1:03 am on january 21st, 2008- i am content.
thanks,
emma
so okay. due to the fact that i may one day soon return to my bitter self, i want everyone to know that this is me happy.
at 1:03 am on january 21st, 2008- i am content.
thanks,
emma
Saturday, January 19, 2008
fortune cookie.
"appreciate the caring people who surround you."
will do.
a little less teenage angst, a little more college "i.don't.give.a.fuck.",
emma
will do.
a little less teenage angst, a little more college "i.don't.give.a.fuck.",
emma
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
teenage angst.
this blog needs a disclaimer: i'm really fucking pissed. proceed with caution because i don't care who reads or who knows, this is me ranting.
i'm so tired of the bullshit. i'm tired of of people who say one thing and do another. i'm tired of people who assume that just because they have a title that they automatically deserve respect. well, respect has to be earned and lying to people is not the way to get it. antagonizing those around you and attempting to manipulate the people who, if life were working as it should, would respect your title is what gains you the hatred of which i currently feel for you.
you remind me of this girl that i grew up with who can proudly say she single-handedly ruined my childhood. due to proximity, i felt obligated to be her friend but forcing myself to like her resulted in her having the ability to manipulate me and that is exactly what you are trying to do. well fuck you, everyone knows you're a liar and that you're irresponsible. you cannot blame your faults on others because unlike my neighbor, you've already been discovered for who you really are. so don't go around blaming your faults on others- i don't care how good of an actress you think, or maybe you truly, are, i don't buy any of it for one minute.
so stop calling.
stop pretending to be my friend.
quit trying to get me to love you.
stop talking about being my facebook friend.
don't ever speak negatively about someone who i care about and the follow it with 'but this is just between you and me, of course'.
because nothing is 'just between you and me' .
there is you and there is me. let me be me and i will deal with you in my own way that i deem least likely to result in the loss of all of my sanity.
you'll be gone soon, but not soon enough.
this might be excessively negative, and i might be overreacting. but you have had so many chances, and you have fucked up so many times. you have said so many things, and i'm tired of listening to your lies.
irate,
emma
i'm so tired of the bullshit. i'm tired of of people who say one thing and do another. i'm tired of people who assume that just because they have a title that they automatically deserve respect. well, respect has to be earned and lying to people is not the way to get it. antagonizing those around you and attempting to manipulate the people who, if life were working as it should, would respect your title is what gains you the hatred of which i currently feel for you.
you remind me of this girl that i grew up with who can proudly say she single-handedly ruined my childhood. due to proximity, i felt obligated to be her friend but forcing myself to like her resulted in her having the ability to manipulate me and that is exactly what you are trying to do. well fuck you, everyone knows you're a liar and that you're irresponsible. you cannot blame your faults on others because unlike my neighbor, you've already been discovered for who you really are. so don't go around blaming your faults on others- i don't care how good of an actress you think, or maybe you truly, are, i don't buy any of it for one minute.
so stop calling.
stop pretending to be my friend.
quit trying to get me to love you.
stop talking about being my facebook friend.
don't ever speak negatively about someone who i care about and the follow it with 'but this is just between you and me, of course'.
because nothing is 'just between you and me' .
there is you and there is me. let me be me and i will deal with you in my own way that i deem least likely to result in the loss of all of my sanity.
you'll be gone soon, but not soon enough.
this might be excessively negative, and i might be overreacting. but you have had so many chances, and you have fucked up so many times. you have said so many things, and i'm tired of listening to your lies.
irate,
emma
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