what hurts the most, is being so close

i feel like the world has been falling down around me over the last four hours. i lost all but two and a half pages of my seven and a half page final paper for philosophy four hours ago and since then i've felt physically ill. after writing my heart out, AGAIN, i managed to regain much of what i had typed initially but it still isn't the same quality nor do i cover everything that i had intended to...mostly because my brain is friend and thus i cannot think. at all.

but in the meantime i will watch the daily show (omg. they're showing the "real, real OC" and the anchor is staying at Surf & Sand Resort . . . totally stayed there. totally was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding there....yay) and i will continue to hope that what i HAVE written won't be an entire waste of buel's time. THAT would be tragic.
but we shall see.

stress-eating,
emma

[want to be] rockin' the suburbs

i'm in quite the predicament. you see, the beatles: abbey road poster is located directly next to my loft and it is held up by three thumb tacks...one of which is currently missing and i'm rather worried that either it's somewhere in my bed, waiting for me to accidentally inflict pain upon myself, or it's hiding out somewhere amongst the pillows and crash pad below my bed...again, waiting for me to accidentally inflict pain upon myself. and thus, i'm kind of apprehensive about moving.

but i will move, eventually, because i'm ballsy and i've got a joyous paper to write that allows me to explain to my philosophy professor how, and why, religious views are invalid. yay for going to hell?

well anyhow, i think i grew up a little today. i endured a verbal confrontation with the DOF and survived. not only did i survive, mind you, i also did not cry. i nearly cried, but i held it together- which is something that tends to be a wee bit difficult for yours truly. and now i have a decision to make: go meet barack (yay) & oprah (nay) or do i stay at yoonie and compete, with the possibility of gaining some extra scholarly dough? well here are some "pros" and "cons" of going to see barack & oprah:

PROS:
1. get to meet barack & oprah
2. get to sit in preferred seating at the rally
3. get to work more and significantly closer with his campaign.
4. get to celebrate obama's glory with mcfarland, my brother, and my loving helicopters
5. get to see bear
6. get to breathe the same air as barack and oprah . . . famous air. ; )

CONS:
1. possibly forgoing a couple hundred scholarship $
2. not competing again until the end of january
3. an extra friday/saturday without yoonie people
4. perhaps having my scholarship money lowered a smidge
5. appearing as if i am not "truly committed" to the team

ehh...this is something to think about just a little bit more i guess. but i believe i will most likely be going to barack'n'roll, it qualifies as a "once in a lifetime" thing for me. and so long as DOF doesn't change her mind, and she-who-must-not-be-named doesn't present a roadblock to my freedom of choice, everything should be a.o.k.

i'm off to my speechy haven to write previously mentioned philosophy paper and consume caffeine.

making progress,
emma

moovies

films i am anxiously anticipating the release of (and/or the opportunity to see):

p.s. i love you
the golden compass
juno
darfur now
sweeney todd
august rush
the bucket list
grace is gone
lars and the real girl
walk hard

so many flicks, so little time!

smiling,
emma

november road

ahhhh....i love october road. and tonight season two debuted!
i also love being back at school. i love it, love it, love it. but here's the tragedy: i'm going to experience a whole month of being without these speechy persons. and though i miss suburbia folk (especially bear, mcfarland, & cchrist), i'm gonna miss these guys in 18 days (especially a.rae, mcd, buel, & patch)

but that's in 18 days and i live in the now. so onto more important things, like the anarchy that i am a proud participant of. you see, there's this little thing called 'the scholarship tournament' and it is going to be held on december 8th- the day that all my dreams are desperately trying to come true on. let me lay it out for you: BARACK OBAMA AND OPRAH WINFREY are two people who i could meet and thus swoon over if i go to des moines that weekend. and due to my total obsession with mister obama, i'm all about this rally. thus, a.rae, mcd, and i are going to propose a plan for change tomorrow because, just like barack, we believe change and new ideas are more important than experience. yay anarchy and yay barack.

[transition to next point: barack obama, i really wanna be on ya. barack obama let me be your sexy momma]

i stole a glass from piazza tonight, because i'm badass.

but more importantly (and less illegal), today started off really rough but ended significantly better (that's what happens when you spend hours in buel's office- the world makes itself right.) nonetheless, the ringtone that i bought (walking with a ghost- tegan & sara) no longer works on my cell phone because i dropped my chai tea on the ground and also released my cell phone from the opposite hand, resulting in a chai tea infused razr and a bitter, embarassed, but rather apathetic emma.

something else you should know: i has a boyfriend. he's pretty cool; i'm definitely a fan.
... and now i think we're just about caught up. so i'm off to watch more october road and put my clothes away.

elaborating,
emma

thanksgivins

1. the vet says my dog is a little senile.
2. my mom now knows that my eldest brother has a motorcycle.
3. i've eaten too much stuffing and pumpkin pie.
4. i'm going to go see beowulf in 3D with my dad.
5. midnight shopping at the materialist's heaven!
6. i now own every ben harper cd, ever. :)

stuffed,
emma

Merrily we roll along

So here's a story.
Bear picked me up yesterday so we could go to Outback to see Croatia. Now let me set the scene for you, we were the 2nd car in line at a busy intersection and case asked me to have bear go pick her up from cazadors [yum], so he began to move into the left-turn lane...that's when the freight train horn sounded, we glanced behind ourselves- expecting to see a freight train- but only saw a car...that's when we nudged into the van in front of us and the simple car that was behind us morphed into a police car with flashing lights and sirens. After the Officer [Jenkins] made sure no damage was done, he went on to heckle Bear by telling him how embarassed he should be and also, he requested that I yell at Bear and let him know that he had done wrong. Oh Officer Jenkins, what a bastard. :)

Another story.
Case and I went to the school today to visit our teachers past. It was a pretty good time had by all; definitely enjoyed letting Shappy know how well I'm doing- contrary to what he may have believed. But I digress, the point of this story is actually what happened AFTER our visit to the school.
So Case and I went to CJ's Bagel Basket (yum.yum.yum.) and to my great pleasure, a few other friends were enjoying a bagel or two at the restaurant. So Case and I joined them and I began to ask if any of them would like to go heckle this one teacher (it sounds lame, but there's such a back story) and when they asked "why?" I explained to them that she is a "whore". Normally, this would be no big deal but to my great displeasure, I turned around to find myself face to face with the mother of my "little" (from Big Brothers Big Sisters)...
yes, that's right. I called a teacher a "whore" in front of someone who trusted me to be a great role model and look after her daughter.
whoops. i had no idea how to handle that situation- it was so embarassing.

But luckily I've recovered from these events. And just minutes ago, Bear & Case & JW left my house after a really great pseudo snowball fight. It was "pseudo" because there was no malicious intent and thus, the snowballs were more "lobbed" instead of "thrown". But again, I digress.
Mostly, I just love my friends and I definitely think you should be jealous of me. Because mes amis sont les meilleurs et ils sont plus chouettes que tes amis.

And how.

giving thanks,
emma

Wonderwall

Thanksgiving break, my best friend and salvation.
Last night was exactly what I've been needing. I went shopping with my mom until I felt like I might die and then, just in time, Case picked me up from my house and we went to Bear's. A bottle of strawberry wine (and then some) later, life was less stressful and grudges disappeared. I saw everyone I've missed (except McFarland) and it felt so good to be home. I do miss Yoonie people, thus they received phone calls and/or text messages last night, but these people in suburbia, the land of no dreams, are my base and were exactly what I needed to stand tall again.

Tomorrow I get to spend the entire day with the most amazing baby in the entire world, Dane. He is so cool and we're going to take SO MANY PICTURES! be jealous, you understandably should be.

"I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends."
&
"Because maybe, you're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all, you're my wonderwall"

contented,
emma

oh the humanity.

my room is messy. there are too many shoes and too many articles of clothing, too many neglected text books and too many socks. what's with all the socks?

anyways, tonight is thanksgiving dinner at the dining center, which i'm only extremely excited about! there will be stuffing (yum), garlic mashed potatoes & gravy (yum), turkey (yum-ish), and pumpkin pie (omfg & yum).
and after the most delicious dinner ever, i have to start and, perhaps, finish my humanities study guide...the fun just doesn't stop.

i'm entirely scatter brained right now and nothing seems to matter (well, thanksgiving dinner matters a hell of a lot, i suppose) and i can't seem to focus on anything.
i guess i'm just too facking tired!


HOBO ALERT.Can't say I didn't warn you.
Anyhow, on a more pressing, but less amazing, topic: I really, truly, badly, deeply want an ipod video nano to call my own.
That is all.

pointlessly blogging,
emma

are we falling or flying

this weekend has been a series of "ups and downs." let me lay out for you:

the good:
-the speech team doing well as a whole, a.rae & sauer rocking the individual sweeps.
-buel dropping her [creep] timer during an ADS round.
-pizza hut italian bistro because we're so classy.
-late night discussions in the girls room at the hotel.
-target on friday night, walgreens on saturday night.
-finally buying my FACKING MICROKETTLE (of which i'm drinking tea from currently).
-seeing certain persons stand up to she-who-must-not-be-named.
-mcfarland got cast in two plays (sure, one's for da bears but still...it almost counts? : ] )
-i don't have to do my informative ever again which is great (due to my hatred for informative rounds). it's slightly sad because i did have a good speech but the relief of the situation outweighs the "grief" over abandoning the piece.

the bad:
-i sucked it up this weekend, as far as speech goes.
-my Grandma's brother, my Uncle Marlyn passed away this weekend. It's good because he's not in the hospital anymore. It's bad because he's gone and I wish he wasn't.
-two good people in my life have died within the last two weeks and i want so much to wake up and have them both be here. i want Brad to be back in Ames waiting to hang out over thanksgiving break and i want Uncle Marlyn to be healthy in Arizona with his family and still living his awe-inspiring life so that we can all hang out over Christmas break. That's what I want. [Rest In Peace.]

detached,
emma

anxiety

i'm anxious for tomorrow's competition.
i'm anxious for sunday's competition.
i'm anxious because i switched up my POI.
i'm anxious about my info.

and right now, i'm anxious when it comes to blogging. i have public blogging anxiety.

it's a serious condition.

sleep-deprived,
emma

cotton-headed ninny-muggins

it's approaching a full week since i bought Elf and I've yet to finish watching it. This is terribly displeasing but it seems that everytime I sit or lay down to watch it, I fall asleep.

Too tired for Elf? Tragic.

fatigued,
emma

Thirsty Thursday

So as I sit here, sipping on "calm" tea with honey from my polar bear mug, dressed in a thermal t-shirt and sweatpants- it has occured to me: i'm not doing the normal "college thing". i just answered the door to find 3 girls wanting to know if i wanted to go out. they were all dressed up and wearing clothes that were entirely insensible for the 8th of November and I was wearing "Cuddle Duds" brand. And maybe that's good, right? My liver will benefit and most likely my grades will as well. Plus, I'll finally get to finish watching "Elf" but I want my Thursdays back, I want my weekends back. I want my freedom back!
But not really. Truthfully, I enjoy the structure and I love the people so much that are involved in speech...it's just that right now, in this moment, I wish I could be free. I wish I could go out tonight and I wish I could crash after my noon class and wake up again only to start it all again at 6.

But that's out of the cards right now. Which is good, right?
Thanksgiving Break can't come soon enough.

caged,
emma

Freebird

I've been having a hard time finding enough hours in one day to accomplish even half of the things I set out to do. However, after listening to the entire song "Freebird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd- I have reason to believe that there are plenty of hours in a day, I just use them up with all the fun and procrastinate the not-so-fun until I find myself on the edge of a breakdown and THEN the book is read, the essay is written, the speech is memorized, the laundry is done and the fish is fed (poor Gary).
But that's what life is about, in my esteemed (ha) opinion. If you have no fun then the things you are doing are hardly worth doing! Thus when she-who-must-not-be-named demands that I be more serious and encourage those around me to lower the amount of fun....I say "no thank you!" I will continue to work hard and having fun (simultaneously perhaps!) because if I am not having fun then I will no longer be motivated and if I'm no longer motivated, quitting isn't the hardest thing for me to do anymore. Just Saying.
But alas, she-who-must-not-be-named cannot put a stop to the fun so quitting is out of the question. Deal with it.

" Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change. "

dedicated,
emma

these are a few of my favorite things.

tough times are hard to get through.
but i've come to many realizations this week that i think are worth sharing:
1. chai tea cures everything
2. ben harper and jack johnson are good at life
3. people are precious; friends are priceless
4. tact is necessary
5. there are deep truths in interp events: "there are some things in life that are so bad you should never get over them."
6. pandora gets me
7. piercings & tattoos get your mind off things
8. you cannot appreciate people too much
9. the little things in life matter- but not enough to stress out about
10. putting dryer sheets in your pillowcase results in a very happy sleep
11. people are the most important thing in life
12. 8 am classes are a bad idea
13. my family is amazing
14. i have the best best friend
15. leaning on others is what gets me through

taking a deep breath but not moving on,
emma