this is me studying.

the heater has broken. i took a cold shower. the hallway smells like wet dog. i ate fifteen pizza rolls in five minutes. half a bag of doritos. one balance bar. i've drank 64 oz. of diet pepsi. it's snowing a lot. i have two finals tomorrow. and i am really into the following artists: ingrid michaelson, matt hires, the weepies, bon iver, tegan & sara, and joshua james.

i think i'll go to the library now...i hope their heater isn't broken.

finalized,
emma

annotate this!

i'm on book number 20 of 25 sources that are intended to help me answer the research question "what is the Bible's purpose?" sadly, i don't think all of my sources lend themselves directly to that question...so my research question will probably change again but don't worry, it will be just as jesus'y as the last 3.
in other news, BARACK OBAMA is going to be President of the United States!
i like America more now. i intend to get a kitten and name him "Renni", as in "rennaisance", to honor the rebirth of America. patriotic, right? i also bought new shoes & a sweater today in an attempt to better the economy for the soon-to-be Mr. President. i'm sure he appreciates it.

alright, back to the research.

american,
emma

One Year Later

One whole year and Brad Flack is definitely still missed. Berry berry mike & ikes are still the best and no one has ever been as much of a "true gentleman" as him. This last weekend was lacking so much without him guiding the way. I'm sure he would have been proud and I know he would have made Friday night last longer than that "moment."

I miss you, Brad.
No one can out do you.

yes we can!

I'm a flaky blogger. I'm also an "under the influence" blogger if we're referring to my August 28th posts. whoops.

Anyways...

It occurred to me today that the Presidential election is six days away. WOW! (no, not World Of Warcraft) I am looking forward to this election process to be complete because it makes me so uneasy when John McCain is a prominent fixture of American politics. I am definitely putting all of my eggs in one basket. I call my basket "Barack Obama."
Unfortunately I am terribly concerned that America will fail me and though it appears that the majority of America has named their basket "Barack Obama," America lies sometimes and could secretly be giving their basket a nickname: "John McCain." I cannot even fathom Obama-Biden losing this race, I feel like all Democrats/Liberals/Free-Thinkers/Good People will give up on life. Maybe a little dramatic, but seriously!? McCain-Palin? sick.

In other news, I am also looking forward to having an apartment & a cat. As far as the apartment goes, it will be a beautiful state of cleanliness. I'm looking around my dorm room right now and I am so weirded out by my living conditions. I recognize that it is difficult to maintain order in a room that is 12x14 feet but I know it's possible. I've seen it done so many times. Tragically, that isn't a-happening in the 264A.
Also, the cat thing. I have this inclination to save all the animals. Unfortunately, it has been brought to my attention that "saving ALL the animals" is largely impossible. (due to monetary barriers, housing barriers, logistical barriers, & the 'i like things to smell good' barrier...) But you know what isn't impossible? Saving a cat, or two cats. We'll see :) Andy and I are looking into adopting a cat from an animal shelter in December/January to keep at his apartment. At which point my "animals saved" total will rise from 3 to 4 (or 5). And 4 or 5 out of "ALL the animals" is a pretty good start I think.

a few other updates:
1) i dropped my humanities iii class today. badass, i know.
2) i have gone the last 3 weeks without biting my nails.
3) andy & i got a Nintendo DS together, we named her "rexi."
4) my nephew is still the cutest.
5) the comedic mockumentary i helped make about parent-teacher conferences is being shown to multiple central iowa schools now. my sister-in-law, elizabeth, is a teacher and she saw it today at her high school.
6) i've chosen "Obama Girl" over "Hannah Montanna" for my Halloween costume.
7) my dad turned 57 yesterday. he too is a badass. :)

above the influence,
emma

brighten my day

most awesome nephew ever?

auntie,
emma

something profound

i would like to have an epiphany right now.......................................................

no? well something i already knew: people who yell at other people & people who lie are not my kind of people.
except for when they are my people.... how abstract.

sittin', wishin', waitin',
emma

Emana McPeterott '08

just watch:

Ode To My (fucking?) roommate

Anna McD is so good to me.
Friends for life
We so tight.
I'm so proud of her.
She's so good to me.
Though she is messy,
I am the one who is dirty.
Sad times.
Beautiful times.
Don't mess with this.
I think she's great.

Merry ChristMASSSSS.....
happy sophomore year.

living together,
emma

ali rae

IS PERFECT!
and douchebags cannot fuck with her. largely because i'll kill them. and in addition to that- i love her.

LOVE LOVE LOVE! thanks.
emma

not buddhist enough

There is a moth in my dorm room...I hate moths. He/She is hiding from me right now because (s)he knows I'm not afraid to kill it with hairspray. Also, I think he/she knows that (s)he pissed me off when he/she landed on my shoulder.
I'm going to read some vampire fiction to get my mind off of this occupation.

A couple updates:
-speech rocks, we're very 'face-crush-alicious'.
-school started today, I'm going to be a junior in a semester.
-i want a bunny, but I know I can't have one.
-i turned 19! Sadly, no fun till I'm 21.
-this moment in life is very transition'y.

That moth just landed on my blackberry, but escaped certain death because I was pondering 'transition'y' vs. 'transitional'. Shoot.

Eating reeses for dinner,
emma

evil is alive and well.

if i had a vlog...today's entry would feature me, surrounded by novels about crazy people and a list of countries/laws i have to research, while i scream, cry, and then pass out in front of the world.

EXTEMP THIS,
emma.

first try!

I got a blackberry curve today...here's hoping this loads successfully!

swing a little more on the devil's dancefloor.

i'm currently IN LOVE with:
(1) andrew ryan steffen
(2) bestfriends: the old, new, & unexpected
(3) having a nephew
(4) the TWILIGHT series
(5) forensicating (minus that extemp'shit)
(6) flogging molly & ingrid
(7) the act of 'rising above'
(8) smartphones
(9) bike rides (minus the 'butt hurt' factor...)
(10) hummus

let's count it down:
11 days till i move back to CF
9 days till i get my blackberry
16 days till i turn nineteen

not afraid of consuming 'too much' ice cream,
emma

oh youtube.

dare you to watch this without crying:



sensitive,
emma

put it on shuffle.

i'd like to blog right now.

unfortunately, i can't think of anything to write. i would complain about iowa's new 'smoke-free' lifestyle but the truth is, i think the government has the right to make such a decision. do i agree with that decision? no. can i change their mind(s)? no. so here's what i am: disappointed. i'm disappointed in you, iowa. not angry, just disappointed...and mildly concerned about if/when i will get a ticket for smoking too close to buildings and what sort of spiral effect that might create. dammit, iowa.

and since blogging only that much seems cheap, here's a bit of wisdom i got from my grandfather which in turn i've decided to share with you:

"To catch lots of fish, you must first go to the water."

oh grandpa bob. the smoking ban will probably hit him the hardest.

smoke-free cuz that's the way it be,
emma

the best of times.

how iowa of us !

wearing dresses on the farm,
emma

leaving.

right now, even motion city soundtrack is sad.

emotion-y,
emma

waiting for my real life to begin

i did not go outside today. i spent an entire day in doors, being productive: i woke up at 10:30, i did four loads of laundry, i watched five personal wellness lectures, i practiced my three speeches three times each, i emptied my garbage basket, and i set up my schedule for next fall. i did not, however, make my bed nor did i shower, but i think that can be excused because i showered last night. point is, i haven't been this productive during the daytime all semester. i feel accomplished and that is one of my favorite feelings.
i think i am seeing the light and the end of the tunnel that is my freshman year of college and that makes the work i do have more purpose. it's like, if i get this done then i get summer and i will do most anything to get summer right about now. i've cultivated a false sense of summer here on the windiest, coldest campus in iowa- i wear shorts & flip-flops, i go tanning, and i even work out (weird, since i'm so good at sitting in one spot...) but i'm that desperate for my summer routine that involves not doing laundry, spending hours watching really weird movies with some of the best people in the world, running/taking naps/eating/shopping/working/drinking/living with my two best friends. & waking up happy. i never woke up feeling sad until i got to school- i blame casey, jess, & my family. not seeing them everyday is the hardest part of all of this.
that's one thing that i learned from my personal wellness lectures today: i am so codependent. but according to c.shima, that's "actually a good thing!"

9 days till nfa.
33 days till happy mornings.

looking forward,
emma

gratitude.

the best people in the world.


(i spent too long laying out the photos in a perfect block of love for blogger to just list them...but i'm sure you get the point.)

sleepy & sentimental,
emma

sidenote

for the sake of not blogging lately
& the brief return to teenage angst:
i'm willing to commit, but not willing to deal with the bullshit.
thanks.

suffocating in awkward moments,
emma

need to know

so my cousin, missy, put together 'the perfect playlist' and shared it with her bloggie friends (& family). she was definitely on the right track from what i saw and i was inspired to create a playlist of my own. so, i consulted my "awesome" playlist and cut it down to the ten most necessary songs as of right now.

a necessary playlist:
1. One Shot- O.A.R. : besides the awesome sound, this song is my inspiration to be happy and persevere in spite of all the potential for anger and negativity.
2. How Long- Kenny White : i hate george w. bush? this song embodies my anti-bush sentiment and fuels my anticipation for obama's presidency. it is beautiful political angst.
3. Gamble Everything For Love- Ben Lee : this song reminds me of my amazing boyfriend; i miss him. this song is love.
4. Even If It Kills Me- Motion City Soundtrack : this song is my current life situation, minus the line about '1995'. it reminds me why i am not going to break down.
5. More Time- NeedToBreathe : besides embodying my love for p.s. i love you, this song doesn't pertain to my life. it is unnecessary, but still on the playlist. :)
6. Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk- Rufus Wainwright : this song is excess.
7. Chocolate- Snow Patrol : i can't listen to this song without remembering the good times with some great people.
8. Puke- Eminem : puke is green. i hate green(!) and i also hate the great injustices of the world.
9. Bullet Proof...I Wish I Was- Radiohead : i'm an emo kid. this song calms me down and has a very sobering effect.
10. What I Got- Sublime : no matter what mood i find myself in, this song always makes it better..."life is too short, so love the one you got."

i'm starting to think that things are going to change.

diplomatic,
emma

525,600 minutes

i have this calendar in my room (of course it's grey's anatomy themed) that for the last three years of my life i have done a great job of x'ing off each day as it passes. it occured to me today that i needed to change the month to february and this is when i realized that i haven't 'x'd' any days for the last 2 & 1/2 weeks of my life...on january 15th I lost track of the days. not a big deal, but with a track record of knowing exactly what day it was for three years, it's a shock to my system. i miss being able to cross off the days as they passed with the anticipation of what was to come. graduation, trips to california, new grey's anatomy episodes, days off from work, days dedicated to fun, the end of the summer, the beginning of college.

now my calendar is littered with speech tournaments, busy weekends, homework nights, and blank space that will inevitably be filled with speech or homework. i have to block out hours for sleep and i have to write in my agenda the word "eat."

this "new chapter" of my life is so crazy , i can't wrap my mind around it. the best way to describe this life is that i am a deer caught in the headlights...luckily all the cars thus far have swerved and not resulted in my destruction.
but this weekend, i have resolved to take back my life. tonight i'll go out on date night with k.sig, tomorrow i will do homework during the day but then spend the evening with my ah-may-zing boyfriend (who is driving 3 hours to get here), and sunday i will eat breakfast with whatever friends want to hit up the ihop with me, do homework, and do some lighthearted practicing of speech with waitmen. that's right, just under 48 hours of speech-free life that i intend to bask in.

missing the suburbanites,
emma

badass.

so in case you were thinking to yourself, "oh that emma...i wish she would just do something cool and stop complaining about the world..." you now can see for yourself that i definitely did something cool. "il y a une raison" is french for "there is a reason." now, if you're like some of my best friends, you are probably shocked AND awed that i would get such a tattoo, due to my strong belief that there is no god. well, friends, i will tell you the same thing i told those lovely naysayers: "reason" is not a codeword for "god"! there is a reason for everything i do and there is a reason for everything that happens. not that a higher being decided to make things occur as such but i believe in a certain amount of causality in this world and said causality is unavoidable. it is what keeps me going when i feel as if my work is pointless. it is what reminds me why i do what i do. it is what brings the people i encounter, both amazing and unsatisfactory, into my life. it is my goals, it is my inspiration, it is my life in one sentence. "il y a une raison." and if you don't like it...then that's fine, because i just love it, love it, love it. :)
(and no, it didn't hurt...and no, you cannot tell my mom)

ink'd,
emma

lang blogging

my experiences here at yoonie, thus far, have driven me to the conclusion that the "real world" sucks.
anyway.
I woke up today at 6:30 am so that I could shower and get ready for my 8 am anthropology class. However, before I got ready for the day, I planned it out. Here was the plan:
8-9:15. Anthropology
9:15-11. Dorm, Anthropology HW
11-12. Mind Body Fitness
12-12:30. Lunch
12:30-2. Lang, get mac fixed & International Relations HW
2-3:15. International Relations
3:15-5. Dorm, take a nap
5-whenever. Finish two online p.e. wellness modules
Read Anthropology
Math homework
Read ch. 2 Mass Comm
SLEEP.

and of course, i finished little to none of the above x.hardcore.x plan. I did make it to all of my classes (almost on time), grabbed lunch from Dashes, and I did bring my mac to Lang to get it fixed. Unfortunately for me, the mac is still in a state of disrepair and the weather outside is, well, frightful. So after International Relations, I made it back to Lang and haven't been brave enough to go outside since. My intentions were that I would go back to the 424 right after IR but due to my mac's teenage angst, I have to pick it up at 9 pm. And so I sit, procrastinating and searching desperately for something to do. now i know what you're thinking, "do your homework?" but the homework is remaining untouched for two reasons. one) it's all in my dorm room. & two) without a desperate urgency attached to the aforementioned H.dub, i've very little interest in completing it.
procrastination, as defined by m-w.com: "to put off intentionally and habitually"
procrastination, as defined by the authority on the word (me): "to knowingly avoid being productive unless facing impending doom upon the incompletion of an act"
i almost wish i had the will-power to do schoolwork but let's face it, if i did, i'd never get anything done for speech...like right now, i'm all about the ADS.

in other news,
i'm highly concerned that this weekend of freedom, which has been the light at the end of this dark, villainous, tunnel is going to fall through. i had intended to go back to suburbia for the boyf's birthday but as it turns out, i don't have a car. i would like a car, however, and if you ever find yourself wanting to buy me a gift...a car would be nice. but i digress, the point is: this weekend i want to have uncontrollable amounts of fun.

now i'm mildly certain that you're wondering why i've been in a dark, villainous tunnel (after all, my last post was happy & precious) as of late. and well, it has much to do with she-who-must-not-be-named. this past weekend i attended a tournament in illinois with her and she went from trying to be my bff, v, to most likely to bitch about me. which is fine, but a little difficult to deal with when there is no true escape from the situation. luckily, i found solace in loitering outside of the baymont inn.
i've resolved to focus on the good as best as i can because, as she made it abundantly clear last night, she is not going anywhere. sad but true, so i'll just cope and remind myself that she is only one, the many are nothing like her.

(on a brighter note, i know what the next two tattoos i get will look like. for shore.)

trapped in the now,
emma

ay bay bay

word.
so okay. due to the fact that i may one day soon return to my bitter self, i want everyone to know that this is me happy.
at 1:03 am on january 21st, 2008- i am content.


thanks,
emma

fortune cookie.

"appreciate the caring people who surround you."
will do.

a little less teenage angst, a little more college "i.don't.give.a.fuck.",
emma

teenage angst.

this blog needs a disclaimer: i'm really fucking pissed. proceed with caution because i don't care who reads or who knows, this is me ranting.

i'm so tired of the bullshit. i'm tired of of people who say one thing and do another. i'm tired of people who assume that just because they have a title that they automatically deserve respect. well, respect has to be earned and lying to people is not the way to get it. antagonizing those around you and attempting to manipulate the people who, if life were working as it should, would respect your title is what gains you the hatred of which i currently feel for you.
you remind me of this girl that i grew up with who can proudly say she single-handedly ruined my childhood. due to proximity, i felt obligated to be her friend but forcing myself to like her resulted in her having the ability to manipulate me and that is exactly what you are trying to do. well fuck you, everyone knows you're a liar and that you're irresponsible. you cannot blame your faults on others because unlike my neighbor, you've already been discovered for who you really are. so don't go around blaming your faults on others- i don't care how good of an actress you think, or maybe you truly, are, i don't buy any of it for one minute.
so stop calling.
stop pretending to be my friend.
quit trying to get me to love you.
stop talking about being my facebook friend.
don't ever speak negatively about someone who i care about and the follow it with 'but this is just between you and me, of course'.
because nothing is 'just between you and me' .
there is you and there is me. let me be me and i will deal with you in my own way that i deem least likely to result in the loss of all of my sanity.
you'll be gone soon, but not soon enough.

this might be excessively negative, and i might be overreacting. but you have had so many chances, and you have fucked up so many times. you have said so many things, and i'm tired of listening to your lies.

irate,
emma

too much.

right now, this life i've got going is just too much. i'm trying to rationalize everything and figure out exactly how i can balance it all but i feel surrounded by impossibility. i came back to school full of hope for a better semester with less upset and drama but it seems as though i might have signed up for significantly more than i can handle. i want so much to be able to do it all but i feel defeated before it's even begun. the idea that i have to get four new events (possibly three) COMPETITION READY by this saturday is suffocating. the thought that my resolution to include un-speechable friends in my day-to-day life is becoming less and less possible (as a result of aforementioned suffocating) makes me feel like a liar. the fact that i'm starting all new classes this week, though it's the same as every other semester of my educational career, reinforces my lifestyle of constantly fighting an uphill, unending battle that i am always wanting to escape from.
my nails are bitten, cigarettes are smoked, and confidence is shaken.

but nails grow back, more cigarettes can be purchased, and confidence can be reinstated. so, i just have to get through this week and then perhaps i'll pull my head out of my ass. but in the meantime, fuck.

not entirely giving up,
emma

making history

i caucused for the first time tonight.
i'm now a committee member for my precinct and an alternative delegate for Barack Obama.
hey. speaking of Barack Obama....HE WON IOWA!

politically active,
emma