happy birthday, brad flack.

i went to church for the first time in five years today. i was forced to go with the family and so i mustered up as much cleavage as i could, pulled on a black tshirt, jeans, flip-flops, and sunglasses and headed out...i didn't want to be mistaken for a churchgoer. as expected, i was aggravated by most everything they had to say- especially the part about how "nonbelievers are living in the dark and need to be shown the error of their ways and brought through joy to the lord." that's precious.

anyhow, today is Brad Flack's 21st birthday and thus far it has been one big breakdown for me. i'm trying to be strong but i was just so upset that i had to go to church- a place that is built on the foundation of the exact same ideas that certain yoonie bastards had used to justify Brad's death. at one point, they sang a hymn about how "this day is Jesus' day."...i sang happy birthday to Brad instead. because this is his day, jesus has no claim to the 23rd of december.

in addition to this, my cousins lost their Grandma two days ago. and then there's my great Uncle Marlyn who passed away about the same time Brad did- Marlyn's family is so pathetic. The Augustines are such an extreme contrast to my seemingly traditional American family. I am so upset with them for putting my Grandma through hell- she lost her brother and yet the Augustines continue to focus on how she can make their lives better. they are so selfish. but let's be honest, they are these real people living in a fantasy world that was protected and ran by Uncle Marlyn and without him, they're lost. so welcome to the real world, it sucks...a lot.

" They'll look you in the eyes and stone you
Then turn and disown you, don't you let them take the fight outta you
They'll walk all over your name 'til they find someone else to blame, don't let them take the
fight outta you
Secrets hide their lies inside hidden alibis, don't let them take the fight outta you
They put the world on a hook, it's worse every time I look
Don't let them take the fight outta you

I would rather take a punch than not give you a shot
I'd rather find out who you are than who you're not
Should have known better than to mistake business for love
Should have known better than to mistake a fist for a glove

It will be in your honor 'til you're not needed any longer, don't let them take the fight
outta you
Don't believe the headlines, check it for yourself sometimes, don't let them take the fight
outta you
The lies you live become you, the love you lose it numbs you, don't let them take the fight
outta you
They say that you've arrived but that's just a high-class bribe, don't let them take the fight
outta you

There's always someone younger, someone with more hunger, don't let them take the fight outta
you
They'll say you're the one and only
Then straight up leave you lonely, don't let them take the fight outta you
Like a transplant-patient waiting for a donor, don't let them take the fight outta you
Like a half empty balloon after a party in the corner, don't let them take the fight outta you"
-Ben Harper "Fight Outta You"

attempting to deal,
emma