this day

this is the day that i wake up and know immediately that getting out of bed is the worst thing i could do. this is the day that i get out of bed, in spite of what i know, and go to class. this is the day that i leave early enough to make it to humanities but am late because i slip and fall on the ice almost immediately after i leave the dorms. this is the day that i finish my scholarship letter, knowing that i may be late to philosophy as a result. this is the day that when i arrive to philosophy, the door is locked and therefore i cannot politely "sneak" in. this is the day that my philosophy professor tells us that he has changed his mind and that we will, in fact, have a test on friday. this is the day that we discuss religious experiences in philosophy and my professor brings up the question of 'why do some people live and some people die in car accidents?' this is the day that the bastard in front of me explains that people who believe in god are significantly more likely to survive a car accident. this is the day that i miss brad and inquire why, since brad believed in god, did he die? this is the day that the aforementioned bastard tells me that 'perhaps people who die didn't do enough good things in life'. this is the day i wish i was unstable enough to stand up and yell at everyone in my philosophy class to let them know that their comfortable reasoning that allows them to believe there is a god and hope that if they ever get in an accident HE will save them is bullshit. this is the day that i leave philosophy and manage to fall once more on the ice. this is the day that i caught myself in mid-fall and after wrecking my hand on the railing, i look up to see that some guy decided to stop and watch me falling and instead of helping or asking if i was okay, he simply laughs and goes on his way. this is the day that i am forced to take the long way everywhere so that i can stay inside buildings to the best of my ability to avoid falling down again, because i'm sick and tired of falling. this is the day that car accidents are discussed in psychology and i feel physically ill. this is the day i turn in my scholarship paper after psych and, determined to make today better, i walk to lunch. this is the day that i fall once more on my way to lunch. this is the day that the dining center is all out of pancakes, i drop half of my english muffin, burn my finger on an excessively hot knife and this is the day that i break because fucking shit, i deserve to break down a little bit right now.

this is the day i wish i had never gotten out of bed.

getting through today,
emma