happy birthday, brad flack.

i went to church for the first time in five years today. i was forced to go with the family and so i mustered up as much cleavage as i could, pulled on a black tshirt, jeans, flip-flops, and sunglasses and headed out...i didn't want to be mistaken for a churchgoer. as expected, i was aggravated by most everything they had to say- especially the part about how "nonbelievers are living in the dark and need to be shown the error of their ways and brought through joy to the lord." that's precious.

anyhow, today is Brad Flack's 21st birthday and thus far it has been one big breakdown for me. i'm trying to be strong but i was just so upset that i had to go to church- a place that is built on the foundation of the exact same ideas that certain yoonie bastards had used to justify Brad's death. at one point, they sang a hymn about how "this day is Jesus' day."...i sang happy birthday to Brad instead. because this is his day, jesus has no claim to the 23rd of december.

in addition to this, my cousins lost their Grandma two days ago. and then there's my great Uncle Marlyn who passed away about the same time Brad did- Marlyn's family is so pathetic. The Augustines are such an extreme contrast to my seemingly traditional American family. I am so upset with them for putting my Grandma through hell- she lost her brother and yet the Augustines continue to focus on how she can make their lives better. they are so selfish. but let's be honest, they are these real people living in a fantasy world that was protected and ran by Uncle Marlyn and without him, they're lost. so welcome to the real world, it sucks...a lot.

" They'll look you in the eyes and stone you
Then turn and disown you, don't you let them take the fight outta you
They'll walk all over your name 'til they find someone else to blame, don't let them take the
fight outta you
Secrets hide their lies inside hidden alibis, don't let them take the fight outta you
They put the world on a hook, it's worse every time I look
Don't let them take the fight outta you

I would rather take a punch than not give you a shot
I'd rather find out who you are than who you're not
Should have known better than to mistake business for love
Should have known better than to mistake a fist for a glove

It will be in your honor 'til you're not needed any longer, don't let them take the fight
outta you
Don't believe the headlines, check it for yourself sometimes, don't let them take the fight
outta you
The lies you live become you, the love you lose it numbs you, don't let them take the fight
outta you
They say that you've arrived but that's just a high-class bribe, don't let them take the fight
outta you

There's always someone younger, someone with more hunger, don't let them take the fight outta
you
They'll say you're the one and only
Then straight up leave you lonely, don't let them take the fight outta you
Like a transplant-patient waiting for a donor, don't let them take the fight outta you
Like a half empty balloon after a party in the corner, don't let them take the fight outta you"
-Ben Harper "Fight Outta You"

attempting to deal,
emma

coming clean

so i told my mom about my cartilage piercing. she didn't respond well but i lived to tell the story and that's better than being murdered in the middle of fashion square mall in arizona...and after everything that has been said today- i have found a new, more "thank god you're my mother" respect for my mom.
you see, there once was a girl who lived next door to me for my entire childhood and this girl, we will call her "heinous bitch", effectively ruined my childhood. maybe you're thinking to yourself "but emma, you're overreacting!" no. i am not....but i've mostly gotten over that and the truth is: it could've been even worse if it weren't for my mom. see, when i was in elementary school i would dread the first day of school every year because i was worried that heinous bitch would be in my class- and every year she would be entirely absent from my educational experience. it wasn't until i got home that heinous bitch got to, well, be a heinous bitch. and as it turns out, my mother requested that she not be in any of my classes. this comes as a great surprise to me because throughout my childhood, heinous bitch did many things and said that i had done them- which angered my mother because there was no proof that it was actually heinous bitch that drew on the walls in my room, or that it was heinous bitch who was stealing things from my brothers. and thus, a trust complex was created between my mother and i. but as it turns out, my mother did in fact acknowledge that heinous bitch was a horrible person...it's sad that i didn't know this until now.
anyhow, i just think it takes a lot of maternal instinct to ask a principal to make sure that your bestfriend's daughter isn't placed in your daughter's classes.

so i'm thankful for my mom but i must say, the umbilical cord WAS cut and my belly button is now only mine and thus, if i desire to have it pierced...why the hell can i not? just sayin'. (rant-age.)

honest(ish),
emma

some schtuff

briefly:
1) tory, my sister-in-law, totally rocks and serves as a great person to confess my sins to. it makes me so happy to know that she (as well as others) had almost the exact same experience.
2) everything at Urban Outfitters always fits me- especially the expensive items.
3) arizona is only slightly less amazing than california.
4) my dad is actually very fun.
5) the movie, August Rush, will make anyone with a soul cry.
6) i need money.
7) don't wear "Barack Obama is a Superhero" tshirts in Texas when you're alone.
8) pei wei has the best mongolian chicken.
9) i hope my mom doesn't act a fool (humor makes the situation less dooming) when i tell her about my cartilage piercing.

missing a fish & a boy,
emma

liar.

i'm having a hard time right now because i feel like the person i am and the person my mom expects me to be are at entirely opposite ends of the spectrum. my entire life they've been just about the same with only the slightest deviations from the image she imposed upon me but now- i'm just scared she's going to find me out.

a list of things my mother-figure does not know about me:
1) i have a blog (thus, i know she won't find this list)
2) i kiss boys
3) i have my cartilage pierced
4) i am getting a tattoo on my rib cage
5) i don't go to class every single day
6) i smoke products of the tobacco persuasion
7) i consume alcoholic beverages
8) i wear eyeliner, often times entirely too thick (she's strongly against the purchase & wearing of eyeliner...i don't get it.)
9) i love jet-skiing and i go whenever i can
10) i say "bad words" on a regular basis, not only when acting

there's more, of course, but these normal things would be the biggest disappointments to her.
she's the only member of my immediate family who doesn't know i have my cartilage pierced- i told my dad today. he was surprisingly okay with it and just asked if it hurt...but he also said that if/when i tell my mom he gets to act like he had no clue. you see, we're all a little scared of her.

pretending,
emma

i am the luckiest

i'm very happy with this life right now.

that is all.

thanks,
emma

what's another day

here's a concept: being a considerate, respectful person.
i love considerate, respectful persons but if you add the prefix of "in" and "dis" to those adjectives...i get so frustrated. i'm having a really hard time taking the higher road right now and being able to just "let it go." as much as i say i'm choosing to tolerate and be okay with these people in my life- i continue to be aggravated.

maybe i just need some space and time away from them but honestly, at the mention of their names i'm just flooded with contempt. which isn't good for me because that negativity is really starting to take it's toll to the point where i'm generally bitter.

luckily for me, there are so many considerate, respectful, and generally awesome persons in my life right now. so, haters, deal with it.

slightly spiteful,
emma

life in disguise

things to do before i go back to suburbia:
1. study for finals
2. type up poetry for program
3. research ADS, finish outline
4. cut new prose
5. study for another final
6. live life

monday is finals & speech day
tuesday is speech & study day
wednesday is finals & irresponsibly rejoice day
thursday is speech day
friday is fun & irresponsible day
saturday i'll be heading back to rock the suburbs (ah, ben folds) with a.rae & some other amazing friends.
but today is sunday, and so i have to study for my psych test right about now. fack.

conserving clothing,
emma

i'm a manatee!

so i very clearly have a problem...i am a stress-eater. an example: i've a lot of things to get done this evening and thus, i consumed 480 calories worth of nacho cheese bugles and a slim jim in under five minutes. yesterday life sucked balls (see previous blog for details) and i consumed an entire "big box" of mike & ikes and 32 oz. of pop within ten minutes . . . this pattern of not eating very much all day until my body breaks as my mind does is something that will inevitably lead to poor health, nutrition, and gaining lots'o'weight. therefore, i'm going to have to get my act together and quit eating like a fool.
today was significantly better than yesterday. i did have another encounter with ignorant bastards via yoonie general education but it's ok because i also spent roughly three hours with this non-ignorant, non-bastard that i've come to know and love. :) plus, the ice has mostly melted away from the yoonie sidewalks which means i didn't even sort of fall down today. which is good.

also, i've got too many reasons to be ok with life right now:
1. i'm working at an obama rally tomorrow and i'm guaranteed a photo with the senator.
2. i didn't go to a TC today.
3. the Golden Compass comes out this Friday!
4. speech party this sunday @ the DOF's.
5. i'm going back to suburbia in 11 days.
6. & i managed to waste extra time by adding an excessive amount of hyperlinks.

now i'm off to do some psychology, theatrical arts & society, oral comm, and speech work. neat.

looking forward,
emma

this day

this is the day that i wake up and know immediately that getting out of bed is the worst thing i could do. this is the day that i get out of bed, in spite of what i know, and go to class. this is the day that i leave early enough to make it to humanities but am late because i slip and fall on the ice almost immediately after i leave the dorms. this is the day that i finish my scholarship letter, knowing that i may be late to philosophy as a result. this is the day that when i arrive to philosophy, the door is locked and therefore i cannot politely "sneak" in. this is the day that my philosophy professor tells us that he has changed his mind and that we will, in fact, have a test on friday. this is the day that we discuss religious experiences in philosophy and my professor brings up the question of 'why do some people live and some people die in car accidents?' this is the day that the bastard in front of me explains that people who believe in god are significantly more likely to survive a car accident. this is the day that i miss brad and inquire why, since brad believed in god, did he die? this is the day that the aforementioned bastard tells me that 'perhaps people who die didn't do enough good things in life'. this is the day i wish i was unstable enough to stand up and yell at everyone in my philosophy class to let them know that their comfortable reasoning that allows them to believe there is a god and hope that if they ever get in an accident HE will save them is bullshit. this is the day that i leave philosophy and manage to fall once more on the ice. this is the day that i caught myself in mid-fall and after wrecking my hand on the railing, i look up to see that some guy decided to stop and watch me falling and instead of helping or asking if i was okay, he simply laughs and goes on his way. this is the day that i am forced to take the long way everywhere so that i can stay inside buildings to the best of my ability to avoid falling down again, because i'm sick and tired of falling. this is the day that car accidents are discussed in psychology and i feel physically ill. this is the day i turn in my scholarship paper after psych and, determined to make today better, i walk to lunch. this is the day that i fall once more on my way to lunch. this is the day that the dining center is all out of pancakes, i drop half of my english muffin, burn my finger on an excessively hot knife and this is the day that i break because fucking shit, i deserve to break down a little bit right now.

this is the day i wish i had never gotten out of bed.

getting through today,
emma

winter wonderland

i hate snow. i hate snow because it makes driving more difficult, it makes walking to speechy haven and/or the fancy dining center out of the question, and it cancels plans. [sad] but on the brightside, it makes spending the day curled up in pajamas, watching movies with croatia and bear significantly more acceptable. it might be lazy, but what else would we do? :) thus far, we've tackled Anchorman, Scream 1, and we just might watch Running With Scissors as well.

i'm so happy it's the weekend and i have nothing to accomplish, besides possible speech practicing, for monday. thus, i think i will continue to lay here for much of the rest of the day. roomie and her boyfriend are coming over to join us in a bit, and we'll all enjoy some egg nog and make some memories.  THAT sounds like a good time to me. 

cozy,

emma

what hurts the most, is being so close

i feel like the world has been falling down around me over the last four hours. i lost all but two and a half pages of my seven and a half page final paper for philosophy four hours ago and since then i've felt physically ill. after writing my heart out, AGAIN, i managed to regain much of what i had typed initially but it still isn't the same quality nor do i cover everything that i had intended to...mostly because my brain is friend and thus i cannot think. at all.

but in the meantime i will watch the daily show (omg. they're showing the "real, real OC" and the anchor is staying at Surf & Sand Resort . . . totally stayed there. totally was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding there....yay) and i will continue to hope that what i HAVE written won't be an entire waste of buel's time. THAT would be tragic.
but we shall see.

stress-eating,
emma

[want to be] rockin' the suburbs

i'm in quite the predicament. you see, the beatles: abbey road poster is located directly next to my loft and it is held up by three thumb tacks...one of which is currently missing and i'm rather worried that either it's somewhere in my bed, waiting for me to accidentally inflict pain upon myself, or it's hiding out somewhere amongst the pillows and crash pad below my bed...again, waiting for me to accidentally inflict pain upon myself. and thus, i'm kind of apprehensive about moving.

but i will move, eventually, because i'm ballsy and i've got a joyous paper to write that allows me to explain to my philosophy professor how, and why, religious views are invalid. yay for going to hell?

well anyhow, i think i grew up a little today. i endured a verbal confrontation with the DOF and survived. not only did i survive, mind you, i also did not cry. i nearly cried, but i held it together- which is something that tends to be a wee bit difficult for yours truly. and now i have a decision to make: go meet barack (yay) & oprah (nay) or do i stay at yoonie and compete, with the possibility of gaining some extra scholarly dough? well here are some "pros" and "cons" of going to see barack & oprah:

PROS:
1. get to meet barack & oprah
2. get to sit in preferred seating at the rally
3. get to work more and significantly closer with his campaign.
4. get to celebrate obama's glory with mcfarland, my brother, and my loving helicopters
5. get to see bear
6. get to breathe the same air as barack and oprah . . . famous air. ; )

CONS:
1. possibly forgoing a couple hundred scholarship $
2. not competing again until the end of january
3. an extra friday/saturday without yoonie people
4. perhaps having my scholarship money lowered a smidge
5. appearing as if i am not "truly committed" to the team

ehh...this is something to think about just a little bit more i guess. but i believe i will most likely be going to barack'n'roll, it qualifies as a "once in a lifetime" thing for me. and so long as DOF doesn't change her mind, and she-who-must-not-be-named doesn't present a roadblock to my freedom of choice, everything should be a.o.k.

i'm off to my speechy haven to write previously mentioned philosophy paper and consume caffeine.

making progress,
emma

moovies

films i am anxiously anticipating the release of (and/or the opportunity to see):

p.s. i love you
the golden compass
juno
darfur now
sweeney todd
august rush
the bucket list
grace is gone
lars and the real girl
walk hard

so many flicks, so little time!

smiling,
emma

november road

ahhhh....i love october road. and tonight season two debuted!
i also love being back at school. i love it, love it, love it. but here's the tragedy: i'm going to experience a whole month of being without these speechy persons. and though i miss suburbia folk (especially bear, mcfarland, & cchrist), i'm gonna miss these guys in 18 days (especially a.rae, mcd, buel, & patch)

but that's in 18 days and i live in the now. so onto more important things, like the anarchy that i am a proud participant of. you see, there's this little thing called 'the scholarship tournament' and it is going to be held on december 8th- the day that all my dreams are desperately trying to come true on. let me lay it out for you: BARACK OBAMA AND OPRAH WINFREY are two people who i could meet and thus swoon over if i go to des moines that weekend. and due to my total obsession with mister obama, i'm all about this rally. thus, a.rae, mcd, and i are going to propose a plan for change tomorrow because, just like barack, we believe change and new ideas are more important than experience. yay anarchy and yay barack.

[transition to next point: barack obama, i really wanna be on ya. barack obama let me be your sexy momma]

i stole a glass from piazza tonight, because i'm badass.

but more importantly (and less illegal), today started off really rough but ended significantly better (that's what happens when you spend hours in buel's office- the world makes itself right.) nonetheless, the ringtone that i bought (walking with a ghost- tegan & sara) no longer works on my cell phone because i dropped my chai tea on the ground and also released my cell phone from the opposite hand, resulting in a chai tea infused razr and a bitter, embarassed, but rather apathetic emma.

something else you should know: i has a boyfriend. he's pretty cool; i'm definitely a fan.
... and now i think we're just about caught up. so i'm off to watch more october road and put my clothes away.

elaborating,
emma

thanksgivins

1. the vet says my dog is a little senile.
2. my mom now knows that my eldest brother has a motorcycle.
3. i've eaten too much stuffing and pumpkin pie.
4. i'm going to go see beowulf in 3D with my dad.
5. midnight shopping at the materialist's heaven!
6. i now own every ben harper cd, ever. :)

stuffed,
emma

Merrily we roll along

So here's a story.
Bear picked me up yesterday so we could go to Outback to see Croatia. Now let me set the scene for you, we were the 2nd car in line at a busy intersection and case asked me to have bear go pick her up from cazadors [yum], so he began to move into the left-turn lane...that's when the freight train horn sounded, we glanced behind ourselves- expecting to see a freight train- but only saw a car...that's when we nudged into the van in front of us and the simple car that was behind us morphed into a police car with flashing lights and sirens. After the Officer [Jenkins] made sure no damage was done, he went on to heckle Bear by telling him how embarassed he should be and also, he requested that I yell at Bear and let him know that he had done wrong. Oh Officer Jenkins, what a bastard. :)

Another story.
Case and I went to the school today to visit our teachers past. It was a pretty good time had by all; definitely enjoyed letting Shappy know how well I'm doing- contrary to what he may have believed. But I digress, the point of this story is actually what happened AFTER our visit to the school.
So Case and I went to CJ's Bagel Basket (yum.yum.yum.) and to my great pleasure, a few other friends were enjoying a bagel or two at the restaurant. So Case and I joined them and I began to ask if any of them would like to go heckle this one teacher (it sounds lame, but there's such a back story) and when they asked "why?" I explained to them that she is a "whore". Normally, this would be no big deal but to my great displeasure, I turned around to find myself face to face with the mother of my "little" (from Big Brothers Big Sisters)...
yes, that's right. I called a teacher a "whore" in front of someone who trusted me to be a great role model and look after her daughter.
whoops. i had no idea how to handle that situation- it was so embarassing.

But luckily I've recovered from these events. And just minutes ago, Bear & Case & JW left my house after a really great pseudo snowball fight. It was "pseudo" because there was no malicious intent and thus, the snowballs were more "lobbed" instead of "thrown". But again, I digress.
Mostly, I just love my friends and I definitely think you should be jealous of me. Because mes amis sont les meilleurs et ils sont plus chouettes que tes amis.

And how.

giving thanks,
emma

Wonderwall

Thanksgiving break, my best friend and salvation.
Last night was exactly what I've been needing. I went shopping with my mom until I felt like I might die and then, just in time, Case picked me up from my house and we went to Bear's. A bottle of strawberry wine (and then some) later, life was less stressful and grudges disappeared. I saw everyone I've missed (except McFarland) and it felt so good to be home. I do miss Yoonie people, thus they received phone calls and/or text messages last night, but these people in suburbia, the land of no dreams, are my base and were exactly what I needed to stand tall again.

Tomorrow I get to spend the entire day with the most amazing baby in the entire world, Dane. He is so cool and we're going to take SO MANY PICTURES! be jealous, you understandably should be.

"I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends."
&
"Because maybe, you're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all, you're my wonderwall"

contented,
emma

oh the humanity.

my room is messy. there are too many shoes and too many articles of clothing, too many neglected text books and too many socks. what's with all the socks?

anyways, tonight is thanksgiving dinner at the dining center, which i'm only extremely excited about! there will be stuffing (yum), garlic mashed potatoes & gravy (yum), turkey (yum-ish), and pumpkin pie (omfg & yum).
and after the most delicious dinner ever, i have to start and, perhaps, finish my humanities study guide...the fun just doesn't stop.

i'm entirely scatter brained right now and nothing seems to matter (well, thanksgiving dinner matters a hell of a lot, i suppose) and i can't seem to focus on anything.
i guess i'm just too facking tired!


HOBO ALERT.Can't say I didn't warn you.
Anyhow, on a more pressing, but less amazing, topic: I really, truly, badly, deeply want an ipod video nano to call my own.
That is all.

pointlessly blogging,
emma

are we falling or flying

this weekend has been a series of "ups and downs." let me lay out for you:

the good:
-the speech team doing well as a whole, a.rae & sauer rocking the individual sweeps.
-buel dropping her [creep] timer during an ADS round.
-pizza hut italian bistro because we're so classy.
-late night discussions in the girls room at the hotel.
-target on friday night, walgreens on saturday night.
-finally buying my FACKING MICROKETTLE (of which i'm drinking tea from currently).
-seeing certain persons stand up to she-who-must-not-be-named.
-mcfarland got cast in two plays (sure, one's for da bears but still...it almost counts? : ] )
-i don't have to do my informative ever again which is great (due to my hatred for informative rounds). it's slightly sad because i did have a good speech but the relief of the situation outweighs the "grief" over abandoning the piece.

the bad:
-i sucked it up this weekend, as far as speech goes.
-my Grandma's brother, my Uncle Marlyn passed away this weekend. It's good because he's not in the hospital anymore. It's bad because he's gone and I wish he wasn't.
-two good people in my life have died within the last two weeks and i want so much to wake up and have them both be here. i want Brad to be back in Ames waiting to hang out over thanksgiving break and i want Uncle Marlyn to be healthy in Arizona with his family and still living his awe-inspiring life so that we can all hang out over Christmas break. That's what I want. [Rest In Peace.]

detached,
emma

anxiety

i'm anxious for tomorrow's competition.
i'm anxious for sunday's competition.
i'm anxious because i switched up my POI.
i'm anxious about my info.

and right now, i'm anxious when it comes to blogging. i have public blogging anxiety.

it's a serious condition.

sleep-deprived,
emma

cotton-headed ninny-muggins

it's approaching a full week since i bought Elf and I've yet to finish watching it. This is terribly displeasing but it seems that everytime I sit or lay down to watch it, I fall asleep.

Too tired for Elf? Tragic.

fatigued,
emma

Thirsty Thursday

So as I sit here, sipping on "calm" tea with honey from my polar bear mug, dressed in a thermal t-shirt and sweatpants- it has occured to me: i'm not doing the normal "college thing". i just answered the door to find 3 girls wanting to know if i wanted to go out. they were all dressed up and wearing clothes that were entirely insensible for the 8th of November and I was wearing "Cuddle Duds" brand. And maybe that's good, right? My liver will benefit and most likely my grades will as well. Plus, I'll finally get to finish watching "Elf" but I want my Thursdays back, I want my weekends back. I want my freedom back!
But not really. Truthfully, I enjoy the structure and I love the people so much that are involved in speech...it's just that right now, in this moment, I wish I could be free. I wish I could go out tonight and I wish I could crash after my noon class and wake up again only to start it all again at 6.

But that's out of the cards right now. Which is good, right?
Thanksgiving Break can't come soon enough.

caged,
emma

Freebird

I've been having a hard time finding enough hours in one day to accomplish even half of the things I set out to do. However, after listening to the entire song "Freebird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd- I have reason to believe that there are plenty of hours in a day, I just use them up with all the fun and procrastinate the not-so-fun until I find myself on the edge of a breakdown and THEN the book is read, the essay is written, the speech is memorized, the laundry is done and the fish is fed (poor Gary).
But that's what life is about, in my esteemed (ha) opinion. If you have no fun then the things you are doing are hardly worth doing! Thus when she-who-must-not-be-named demands that I be more serious and encourage those around me to lower the amount of fun....I say "no thank you!" I will continue to work hard and having fun (simultaneously perhaps!) because if I am not having fun then I will no longer be motivated and if I'm no longer motivated, quitting isn't the hardest thing for me to do anymore. Just Saying.
But alas, she-who-must-not-be-named cannot put a stop to the fun so quitting is out of the question. Deal with it.

" Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change. "

dedicated,
emma

these are a few of my favorite things.

tough times are hard to get through.
but i've come to many realizations this week that i think are worth sharing:
1. chai tea cures everything
2. ben harper and jack johnson are good at life
3. people are precious; friends are priceless
4. tact is necessary
5. there are deep truths in interp events: "there are some things in life that are so bad you should never get over them."
6. pandora gets me
7. piercings & tattoos get your mind off things
8. you cannot appreciate people too much
9. the little things in life matter- but not enough to stress out about
10. putting dryer sheets in your pillowcase results in a very happy sleep
11. people are the most important thing in life
12. 8 am classes are a bad idea
13. my family is amazing
14. i have the best best friend
15. leaning on others is what gets me through

taking a deep breath but not moving on,
emma

Rest In Peace.

B.Flack was found dead yesterday; after an entire day of the police searching for him it was his friends, his best friends, who entered the cornfield. Trev found him. Trev, one of his absolute best friends was the one who found B.Flack in a crushed car in the middle of a cornfield.

It's so hard to believe he's gone- my heart wants to walk into the apartment and have him go in for the handshake but instead wrap his arms around me. He gave the best hugs.

"I'm Brad Flack, bitch." Yes he was. He was Brad Flack. He was a gigantic man, he was a bastard who said everything you wanted and everything you never wanted to hear. He was supportive and unconditional but also a jackass who would punch holes in the walls of your apartment simply because he could. He was a champion at guitar hero and an even better guitar player. He wrote ridiculous songs and he drank way too much. He smiled all the time and he was a perfect gentleman, well, most of the time. He didn't care what people thought- he just cared about them. He was Brad Flack, bitch. And I am so lucky to have known him and so unlucky to have lost him.

Brad, you're a champion, you're a gentleman and you're an awesome friend. R.I.P.

"Goodbye may seem forever. Farewell is like the end. But in my heart's a memory, and there you will always be."
reminiscent,
emma

It was summertime; we had too much time.

What I'm thinking of: Mike & Ike's, drinking too much alcohol, smoking, dancing, guitar hero, jackass two, horrendous stories, lieing to my mother, laughing about rape and other inappropriate things, Mike Jones concerts and overpriced food at VEISHEA, & everything in between.

But I can't think about these things right now because I'm so goddamn upset with how people don't take life seriously or perhaps what's most upsetting to me is those who take it too seriously and invest too much emotion into something that results in them self-pitying. I get it, sometimes you have to feel sad for yourself but to those who do nothing but think of yourself, to those of you that never do anything but complain about your own problems and to those of you who don't acknowledge that human struggle is common and that other people have issues too....to those of you, let go.

Just let go, because I can't have you pulling me down.

hypocritical, self-involved & apologetic,
emma

Let It Be

Death is really scary, really unexpected and really unavoidable.
At 6:41 pm I received the scariest phone call of my life thus far. It was Mcfarland, and she very bluntly told me that b.flack is quite possibly dead.
I don't know what to feel.
I don't know how to deal.
All I know is he's been missing since Friday night and hasn't called anyone nor has he answered the many phone calls from his friends and family. And now his phone is dead.
He's gone. And I feel sick. And I can't wrap my head around this so all I can do is wonder and worry and I feel horrible for thinking so much about how I'm dealing with this because really, the concern here is b.flack.
So I'll let it be. And just hope and wait for him to contact someone, anyone. Just so we know and this desperate need to break down can be lifted off his friends and family.
So Flack, call us please. Please go home. Please.

in disbelief,
emma

You say you want a revolution?

I just saw Across The Universe, and well...I think I might change the world. [more on that later]

In the meantime, I've two proclamations:
1) my brother is so lucky, & i hate him.
2) a.rae is pretty much awesome.

first, let us discuss why my brother is so lucky & i hate him. (ha, my blog is like a well written oral communication speech- obnoxiously redundant) anyhow. something you should know, my brother plays bass guitar for his good friend's band and said good friend lives in california and HE plays guitar for Billy Ray Cyrus on Hannah Montana. So, my brother has been in california this weekend performing with the band and when i spoke to him this evening i found out that HE was on Hollywood Boulevard (omg. i just love it, love it, love it.) and that HE was going to go with his band to the El Capitan theatre (omg. i just love it, love it, love it.) to see Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D!
El Capitan is the theatre where most films premiere on Hollywood Boulevard...thus, my brother became butt-buddies with an unimaginable amount of celebrities tonight! Perhaps Johnny Depp (POTC premiered there) or for that matter, Kiera Knightly or Bruce Willis! Brad Pitt! Samuel L. Jackson! Reese Witherspoon! ANYONE! ... the jealousy is overwhelming. I must say.
But I can maintain, and will with pride, that after my visit to Warner Bros. Studio and a tour of Central Perk (from FRIENDS) that I've become butt-buddies with many-a-celebrity who have sat on the couch there...including Jennifer Aniston. And that's pretty sweet. :)

Now that we've examined why my brother is lucky and I hate him, let us discuss why a.rae rocks so much.
mostly she just does. and for the sake of time and to avoid divulging too much information, i would like if you could simply accept that she rocks at speech, life, horses, and being a monster pimp. take that to heart, think about it often. there's no greater truth. :)

this weekend has been pretty great, i spent a small fortune on clothing, did laundry, celebrated my best friend's birthday and so on and so forth.
on that note, happy birthday slutty mcfarland, love ya boo.

making memories,
emma